1-21-12 Moon in Capricorn Kin 133  3 Ben

I heard someone say the other day, “I’m so mad, I don’t know what to do.” And, just as soon as I heard the words, I also heard an echo of memory flow through my head from my Grandmother, who would have been 111 years old had she lived until this day and age. What were the words that shot through my head at that precise instant? “Scratch your mad ass and get glad.” That’s right. She had a deadly way of expressing herself with a few words. But, the truth is: life is not going to rearrange it affairs to suit you. You will just have to get in the excruciating long line for the wish-maker to grant your latest whim. Don’t know IF he will grant it or not; that’s the 64 million dollar question. Sometimes, it seems he does other times, not so much.

Probably, my Capricorn grandmother learned, and not without a lot of heartache and disappointment that getting mad doesn’t really serve any viable purpose. What happens when anger surfaces, the person senses the hopeless reality of not being able to control his feelings or thoughts. People certainly don’t like to be shown how inept they are in situations which are beyond their control. Some people will go as far as to try to prove his position even IF it ruins the relationship or friendship involved. When we fight against or try to defend emotions we value much, we end up exacerbated them. In other words, the negativity grows leaps and bounds, therefore compounding the already untenable situation.

Anger usually precedes shocking self-centeredness, dishonesty and self-indulgence. In other words, when one becomes angry, he loses all sense of fairness, rationality and affability. He is incapable of discerning the all consuming mood of ill repair. IF we validate our deeply ingrained and sensitively attached emotions, when in the heat of an argument, we are more or less guaranteeing the frustrated feelings will remain with more agitated resilience, long after the confrontation has taken place. Even though, we may not realize how unpleasant we are to be around, the people living 1000 miles away can detect our determined vehemence. The severely attached emotional point, we try so hard to drive, has been driven into the ground, (so many times before) where we stand, creating an abyss we fall head-long into.

Now, it’s time to get a little more honest IF we are ever going to confront and disarm the ‘mad bull’ that thrives on our sense of ‘specialness.’ We must admit we want to be heard! Why? Because we think we have something important to say. We want people to recognize us and all that we do. We NEED to know we matter. We have interpreted our lives as an ongoing affair of being shut down or dismissed prematurely. Or, as if, we were placed in a subordinate chair. We never liked the way it made us feel. So, when we got older and bigger, or both; we determined we would never be made to feel second best again.

But, we never one time stopped to consider where and how these false assumptions were gathered and applied to our character. Here’s the deal. Substitutions, all through our lives we always used substitutions. We settled for what we perceived as second best due to an erroneous importance we gave it. Never once did we question whether what we ascribed as having some real significance in life mattered to us. IF it mattered to someone else, that was good enough for us. We allowed the ideas, thoughts, preoccupations and ambitions of others to rule us. We never said anything because we wanted to like them and moreover, to be LIKED by them. For us to have had to say something (speak up) we would be openly saying, “Forget about it. I don’t like that! I think it’s stupid.”

Then, we would have had to accept the consequences of our being different, not running with the herd, or more catastrophic, totally dismissed for what we liked and enjoyed. We experienced, more than anything else, that we would be laughed at and ridiculed beyond belief. So we stuffed the anger, along with the superficiality. Unfortunately, it grew to epic proportions underneath our smiling, accommodating facade. Up until this point, we have never spoken one true thought without feeling guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed. We may have hinted at what we wanted to say, but that’s not good enough. IF we are ever going to release the abusive hold anger has on us, we must never temper our, desires and ambitions. When we speak our truth, the rest falls away. That’s all well and dandy ‘if’ we’ve arrived at the guru state, and have realized the power to self-revelation to the point of deciding to sing the song of ambiguity for effect. But, if you have not, you are adding to your own self imposed misery, by continuing to lie to yourself, consciously.

Have you ever seriously asked yourself, ‘Am I doing what makes me 100% contentedly, motivatedly fulfilled, barring nothing and no one?” Or, “Am I living my life in the shadow of another’s expectations or silent demands? Anger is nothing more than sublime, sacred, sexual, creative, artistic energy which is NOT being channeled properly. Find your hole and plug it!