1-4-2012
Moon in Taurus     Kin 116 - 12 Cib

The elusive, spongy idea that you are a relentless warrior has never consciously entered your mind. Yes, you are, in fact, a mighty, instinctive courageous warrior by nature, suspicious, fearful recluse by choice. Though you honestly, with all of your mind, heart, soul and body,  believe yourself to be somewhat unassuming, timid and shy, you may even refer to yourself as reserved and ultra conservative , nothing could be further from the truth. You are not passive in any sense of the word but you have learned to invent this false front as a shield to prevent you from having to come ‘front and center’ in your affairs. You have manufactured and maintained the ‘mask of personality’ so well, you have almost convinced yourself and others how comfortable and satisfied you are with the fictitious role.

But, IF you were really convinced, you would not feel so cut off from yourself. You would be able to pin point exactly what it is that you feel is missing from your life. You certainly would not create scenarios of inadequacy and jealousy, simply to cause unnecessary problems and barriers for you to overcome. Let’s get down to the basics: why do you feel so isolated and alone? Have you ever considered the thought that maybe; just maybe, you really don’t want people’s opinions infiltrating your mind? Has it ever occurred to you that you honestly don’t want or need the approval, support or validation of another?

You SAY you want a meaningful, intimate relationship, yet, the ‘spikes’ in your personality say, otherwise. When you are so disconnected from yourself, it is a little difficult to show up for another. A subtle anger has pervaded your mind because you think you have been robbed of some sort of happiness other people are enjoying. But, this made up self-gratifying supposition, is simply another one of your avenues of escape in order not to deal with what’s going on in your core. The truth is: you are bored out of your mind.

But, you won’t stop long enough to examine why the relentless restlessness won’t vacate the premises. You are standing at a crossroads where the sword of authenticity stands firmly implanted in the ground beneath your feet waiting for you to retrieve it. You are no longer interested in playing stupid, idiotic games. You are ready, willing and able to be ushered into the next level of soul’s reality for you. Yes, you are a committed warrior in search of what’s real for you. You have no interest in following the path of twinkling tinsel any longer. You want to face the seven headed beast of facade and strip him of his pensive power of influence.

Indelibly imprinted with an indisputable fierce motive for survival; you don’t have a lot of pity patience or antiseptic attention in other people or their problems. “Everybody’s gotta story, so what?” (MODE of Cosmic Therapy, 2009) You instinctively know that everyone must carry his/her own baggage, no matter the weight or difficulty. At times, you may make a pitiful half-hearted effort to try to be concerned, interested, helpful, but, it doesn’t last long. Not only are you not the least bit inclined to follow the heard-minded crowd, but prefer to lead the parade.

Filled to overflowing with zealous enthusiasm, you are self-vested, self-absorbed and self-motivated without a vain need to apologize or defend your particular position. Creative ideas flood your being without ceasing; yet, you sell the bogus attempts of demonstration to the highest bidder. These self-sabotaging acts of self-betrayal are the source of your sickness. The lingering secrets of contempt, guilt, shame and remorse harbored in you manifest in your body, as disease.

It’s high time to get in touch with your true nature and stop lying to yourself. Stop with the mealy mouthed explanations of placating others. Stand up to the forbidden plate. You have just as much chance winning the celebrity’s mink coat as the other, even if it doesn’t mean a damn thing to you. That’s the one authentic action taken without lust of result. To do what you do for any other reason than simply casting your lot, with no lust of result, would be utterly false. Risk involves not caring in the outcome either way; its’ the mark of a true ruthless warrior.